Phrenologist...it's what's for dinner

You didn't have to say it. You didn't have to write it. I knew what you were thinking when you read my last post.

"He's lost his fucking mind. He's either on drugs, alcohol, or has experienced a massive medical meltdown that has affected his brain."

No, it ws just me trying to let my mind get a workout.

I'm not crazy. I promise.

Oh, I had a voicemail waiting when I got home today. It was the phrenologist's office. "This is Cindy at Dr. Cannotpossiblypronouncehisname's office. I finally got the doctor to tell me when he wants you to come back for a follow-up. He said three months. That will be in November. Please call me to set up an appointment."

Three months? WTF? I dropped off a huge orange bottle of piss yesterday, and they took my blood, and they want to talk again in three months? Not fucking likely. I want the results of the jug'apissathon. I want to know what the blood said. I want to know what week before last's renal sonogram revealed. Come back in three months? Are they fucking crazy?

I'll report back, one of these days, on the phrenologist's reactions to my response to his office's voicemail. "A promising young phrenologist was killed today by a blast of wind from an angry patient's lungs and throat...."

Linguicide and Pescacide: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Linguicide. It sounds sinister, and it is. I suppose. Who would purposely engage in the attempted murder of a language? The very same people who would engage in infanticide or pescacide.

If a person's character permits him (or her) to intentionally murder a living language, then his (or her) character will most certainly permit him to intentionally take the life of an innocent fish, a speckled trout commonly found in the salt waters off the coast of Texas. It's that sort of duality that frightens me and makes me cringe when forced to engage in chit-chat with people I believe to be, or who I believe have the capacity to be, serial killers.

It takes a certain kind of psychologist to understand and attempt to treat linguicidites and pescacidites. And that special kind of psychologist is known as either a linguipsychologist or a pescapsychologist. Look it up in any dictionary of my choice!

I learned these things, and many more numbingly fascinating facts, by having a lengthy internal conversation in Latin with a paracatholic nun named Deliciosa Drinkwater. Deliciosa is James Kneeblood's most recent double delicious illicit paramour. You may remember James, with whom I conversed here on this blog long, long ago.

Let me go give that some thought.